Are you looking for the best metaphor to use when teaching sex?
The quick answer is: none of them!!!
That’s right, you heard me. Using metaphors to teach sex is NOT the best way to go about it.
One of the biggest problems with teaching sex is that lots of people like to use metaphors. These metaphors don’t do it justice, and might give learners the impression that sex is bad or uncomfortable to talk about.
Neither of those is true!
Sex is good.
We should talk about sex.
God designed His children to be sexual beings. Just like finances, education, and personal talents, sex is a part of who we are and something we need to work on getting better at.
Sex is also sacred and very personal, which is probably one reason why a lot of people use metaphors to teach sex.
However, metaphors can have hidden messages or unfocused intentions that can hinder learning. Here are a few quick examples:
Fear based metaphors:
Example: This plate (gum, flower, food item) represents your virtue and purity. If you break the law of chastity, this plate will be smashed against the wall! (or, your gum will be chewed up, the flower ripped to pieces, the food passed around for everyone to touch & soil).
The problem with these kinds of metaphors is that they motivate people with fear. If someone is taught to fear destroying their purity, they might not be too excited to enjoy sex even when they are married.
If someone is taught to fear what others will think if they commit adultery, they might be fine as long as they hide it from others.
Overall, it’s better for people to be motivated by love and respect. Teach them to love and respect themselves, their body, God, and their sexual partner.
These metaphors also share a message that once someone sins, they will always broken and damaged. That is not true, because Christ atoned for all sin and can clean everybody. People are never too far from redemption.
Finish line metaphors:
Example: The law of chastity is no sex before marriage.
While this is true, it leaves out so much of the law of chastity. Chastity is all about respect for yourself, your body, your partner, their body, their trust, and God.
People don’t finish the law of chastity when they get married. It’s not an item on a to-do list that gets checked off when both partners say “I do”. Marriage is only the beginning of chastity!
Once married, partners get to be stewards over each other’s sexual needs. They have got to remain faithful to each other, learn to trust each other, and fulfill a duty to care for each other.
When teaching about sex and chastity, don’t leave out all the intimate responsibility that comes after marriage.
Euphemisms:
Example: code-name terms such as ‘your private parts’, ‘your girl/boy parts’, or ‘your yoo-hoo’, etc.,
If you teach only using these terms, the learners will not be able to adequately communicate with their partner about sex.
Communication around intimacy is vital for the health of the relationship. Prepare the learner for adequate communication by teaching them correct terms.
For that matter, the learner also won’t be very well equipped to tell a doctor what hurts if there is an issue in the genital area. (“Hey, doc, I’m here because my yoo-hoo hurts…” not helpful).
Additionally, to truly respect a body, people should know how it’s made, what it does, and what it needs.
Every part of our body has a name, and every part of our bodies deserves respect.
Not teaching at all:
Just as a quick side note, some teachers fear that they with pique a learner’s sexual interest and exploration by teaching about sex. Research has shown that just the opposite is true! Sexual education delays the onset of sexual activity. Don’t be afraid to teach.
Instead…
If you are in a situation where you have to teach about sex and chastity, make sure to get completely educated yourself. Instead of using metaphors to teach about sex, teach about sex using real words and labels.
Make sure you are comfortable enough to talk about the clitoris and penis, the sperm and egg, and the ovaries and testicles.
If that makes you feel uncomfortable, you might want to learn more about sex yourself.
For some good resources to boost your intelligence on sex, try out these 3 Books to Read Before Your Wedding Night. The books in this article use specific terms and even have diagrams to help readers understand sex a lot more.
As you learn, you might practice teaching sex to yourself before you are in charge of teaching it to someone else.
In short, the best way to teach about sex is to be specific, caring, and honest.
Avoid teaching in a way that makes sex seem scary, naughty, or evil.
Make sure you teach about intimacy in a wholesome way. That means to include physical, emotional, and spiritual connections.
Have you had to teach someone about sex? What worked and what didn’t? Who taught you about sex, and how did it go? Let me know in the comments below.