So, you’re ready to get engaged?! How exciting!
Getting married is going to be one of the best decisions of your life.
That is, as long as you’ve done your homework!
My friends and peers have shared a few crazy stories of people getting engaged and then married, only to realize that their new spouse had some BIG secrets. These newlyweds discovered differences that somehow didn’t come up before.
A few of these people had different expectations on when to have kids or whether to have them at all.
Others got married, only to find out that their new spouse had a mountain of debt attached to them.
A couple got married and were surprised at how much time they spent with their new in-laws…
Of course, problems in engagement and marriage are not unheard of. Marriage is all about discovering differences and working through them. The good news is, the big ones don’t have to be complete surprises!
Make sure you’ve discussed these 4 topics before you get engaged in order to avoid some pretty nasty surprises.
Finances.
Once you’re married, you will be tied together financially, which means that there should not be any crazy surprises when you get married.
If you’re in debt, talk about it.
If you’re a crazy spender, talk about it.
Of course, don’t be waving around money in front of someone. You don’t want someone to propose to you because you’ve saved up a bunch of money or own a successful business or something – that is literally gold digging.
But you guys should be transparent about finances, especially if you are about to take on some financial burden of sorts.
Family goals.
You don’t have to get into the nitty-gritty of what to name your baby and how to parent or whatever, but you should definitely make sure you are somewhat on the same page when it comes to family.
Also, you don’t have to be exactly on – maybe you want to wait 5 years to try for kids and your significant other wants to wait 3 – you guys can work that out as you consider finances and other family goals.
But you should know if your partner want kids, how many, and if you’ll be able to compromise on those things.
Kids will have a huge influence on your marriage, so it’s probably safer to discuss them before you get married.
Life in 5 years.
It’s important to discuss with your partner the future, including where you see yourself in 5 years and beyond.
Some topics to consider are:
What are your career goals? Where do you see yourself living? How soon are you planning to buy a house, if ever?
These are all goals and expectations that will affect your spouse, so figure out if you guys are on the same page before you get engaged.
If you find yourselves on different pages, consider – how much does it really matter to you? Can you see yourself with your partner and their goals instead of yours?
Extended family.
Right now, your family is your family of origin. You are a daughter/son, sister/brother, niece/nephew, granddaughter/grandson, etc…
Once you get married, you will need to be a wife/husband first.
That means all of your other relationships have to come second, and that means boundaries.
Talk to your partner about the boundaries that you guys will have and how you will put your marriage first.
It would also be helpful to discuss holidays and visits. How much time do you foresee spending with in-laws? Are both of you okay with that?
By discussing these potential points of conflict, you may be able to avoid any awkward or disappointing surprise before it’s too late! Begin working on these differences now so that you can enjoy a surprise-free marriage later.
Best of luck!
Did you experience any surprises when you were first married? How did you manage that? What other topics would you recommend couples discuss before marriage? Leave a reply below!!
Read next: 6 Signs You’re Ready to Get Engaged