When I first met my husband, I didn’t want to date him, much less marry him.
His perseverance, kindness, and ice cream dates finally moved me into the ‘girlfriend’ category, and eventually we started a casual conversation about marriage. Buuuut….
Marriage is a HUGE commitment. We’re talking time, finances, home, bed – you share it all once you’re married!
How in the world was I supposed to know if I was ready?!
I discussed this question with a lot of people that I trust and admire. They agreed on one thing:
The truth is.. You might never know what to do. And you might never be ready for marriage.
Taking the step into marriage is taking a leap of faith – you have no idea where the future will take you. All you know is that you’ve decided to move forward!
However, there are some good signs you can use to evaluate whether or not you and your significant other are ready for this kind of commitment. If any of these resonate with you, you might be ready to tie the knot!
You have the same life goals.
You don’t need to have life goals that are totally the same and completely in sync, but it would be wise to marry someone whose life goals are compatible with yours.
If you plan to travel the world BUT your significant other plans to hide out in a bunker – you might want to find someone else!
Otherwise, one or both of you need to reevaluate your future plans and decide what matters more: marriage or dreams.
My husband and I have goals that mostly revolve around family. We want to live near our families, have children, and sport a family friendly lifestyle. Since family is a top goal we share, we can agree on lots of other big goals related to finances and careers.
If you don’t share goals with your current partner, that’s okay! You’re not a failure. You and your partner might not be the best fit, which is no fault of your own. You might reevaluate the importance of your goals, and you might end up moving on from this relationship. Keep going until you find someone with shared goals! It will be so fun when you do.
You have successfully overcome relationship struggles.
Marriage is a commitment people make to last a lifetime. This means you’ll have a lifetime of differences to discuss and overcome.
If you have already spent time learning how to overcome difficulties, you might be prepared to continue improving that skill for forever!
If there are points of conflict that you two always avoid and can’t seem to resolve, you might want to start working on that. The two of you won’t be able to ignore every argument once you’re married.
My husband and I actually didn’t have a big fight until we went ring shopping. I wanted to save money and get a silicone ring from Amazon (#alwayspractical), but he had worked all summer to save up for some bling and felt offended that I didn’t seem to care about the ring’s significance.
So, we fought. It wasn’t very fun and it was suuuuper uncomfortable, but we got through it. Since then, we’ve continued to work on compromising, listening to each other, and appreciating our differences.
If you and your partner are able to argue and compromise, you’re probably on the right track! However, if you can’t seem to stop fighting, you might want to hit the breaks. Keep working on conflict resolution and find a partner who will work on it with you, forever!
You break up… but you both regret it.
Break-ups are typically hard for everyone, but it can be hard in different ways. If both of you feel regretful after a breakup… it might be a sign that you’re meant to be together!
I have had many friends who experience this very phenomenon. They break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, but both sides feel regretful. They realize that being away from each other is not fun, so they hope to see the other person, make amends, apologize, and get back together.
Even I experienced this. My hubby dumped me (boo) but after only 3 days, he asked if he could take me on a date (!). A month later we were talking about marriage. The break up was a good wake up call for us to realize that it suuucked to be apart, and instead we wanted to be together forever.
The key to this sign is that both people feel regretful. If it’s just one sided… keep dating around until you find the person who would regret breaking up with you. That’s what you deserve!
You’ve dated for a long time.
If you’ve dated someone for more than a few years, that could be a pretty good sign that you two could survive marriage.
Of course, there is a difference between dating and marriage. You will have to adjust, change, and adapt. However, you’ve probably been changing and adapting as you date, and if you’re still in love, going strong, learning to work together, solving problems, and reaching for the same goals, then what are you waiting for?
You’ve both dated other people.
It’s so healthy to date lots of different kinds of people – then you know what you like and don’t like! If you have both dated a lot of other people, you are probably able to tell if you can handle each other’s traits and personalities.
I have quite a few family members whose love stories fall into this category. Many of them dated around for years. They made so many friends and got to know a lot of people.
Then, when they met their significant other, BAM, they knew it was the one. Both of them had experienced relationships with many other people, and this new relationship with each other just felt right.
If you’ve been dating a lot of people for many years, you’ve probably become a little more expert in the dating category. Trust your gut if you feel like this person is right for you.
You both know what you’re looking for, and it’s each other.
In a similar vein, with time, experience, and other dates, you’ll soon figure out what you’re actually looking for.
You might date someone super cocky and realize that you need a humble spouse. You might date someone who doesn’t want kids and helps you realize that you intend to have a family someday.
Then, when you start dating someone humble who wants kids and lines up with all the other qualities you’re looking for, you’ll know.
I did not spend many years dating, but I did date a lot of different people. While dating, I got to experience many different qualities in people. With time I realized what I was looking for. I realized that I was drawn to guys that were super social and loved to hang out with people. The guys I enjoyed dating the most were funny and sweet. I also realized some things I didn’t love – boys who kissed before asking, ignored my friends, or talked about themselves the whole time.
Reflect on your dating experiences and the qualities you enjoy/don’t enjoy in relationships. If your current partner has the characteristics you love and need, you might be good to go! If not, you might want to continue looking around.
*pro tip: you’ll attract what you are. If you want a partner who is kind and humble, work on your kindness and humility!
You feel incredibly good about the decision.
Sometimes the best sign for getting married is that it just feels right.
Lots of people won’t have a huge ‘ah-ha’ moment to realize that they should get married. They might think about marriage and feel all sorts of things – anxious, scared, nervous, awkward, etc.
However, if your overarching feeling is excitement and if deep down you BOTH feel that this is the right thing to do – go for it! As long as you keep working on your marriage every day, you can make it a great one, even if you never feel completely ready for it.
This is exactly what happened for me. I didn’t receive some lightning bolt of inspiration or a clear divine sign that I was ready to get married to this person. However, every time I thought about marrying my husband, I felt happy, peaceful, and excited. I also felt scared, nervous, and overwhelmed, but the good feelings always outweighed the negative. So we took a leap of faith and got married. BEST decision ever. Marriage rocks!
I hope this post helps you figure out if you’re ready to make the leap into marriage! Marriage is hard, scary, and stretching, but it’s also THE BEST!
Here’s to all the married people in this world. May you grow old and in love with your spouse from now on <3
What things are holding YOU back from getting engaged? What are you concerned about? To all my engaged and married friends, TELL ME! How did YOU know you were ready to get married?! Leave a reply below!