“What does it mean to turn you on?”
This is the question that I, a 20-year-old girl, asked my fiance a month before our wedding date. *facepalm*
Although my parents gave me ‘the talk’ once in middle school, I felt completely in the dark about all things sexual. When I got engaged, I realized that I really needed to buckle down and figure this out before… you know…
The Wedding Night.
Long story short, I found some great literature and sex therapists to answer my questions before losing my virginity! However, I always wondered how my experience would have been if I hadn’t been so lucky.
Maybe I would have felt utterly uncomfortable that first night… Would I have cast a dark tint on an otherwise perfect wedding day? Would I have started our marriage with a terrible relationship with sex?
Luckily, I’ll never have to know.
For a while I thought my experience and naivety was unique. I continued to progress in my family life major and took a few classes on healthy sexuality in specific.
As my classmates began to share their experiences, I heard that they, too, felt lost in the world of sexuality.
Many felt afraid to turn to friends, family, or -shudder- the internet for fear that things would get awkward or inappropriate real fast.
So where in the world were we supposed to learn how to make babies with a spouse?! How do we gain an appreciation for sex if we don’t even know what it entails?! And how can we possibly think about our wedding night with excitement rather than sheer terror?!
To begin, here are 3 fantastic books that cover these exact topics. The authors are religious and most have Christian backgrounds. The content in these books is clear to understand, wholesome, and intended for people seeking a lifetime of healthy sexuality (as opposed to a quick one-night-stand).
1. And They Were Not Ashamed by Laura M. Brotherson
This book was THE most helpful read for me as a virgin pre-marriage. It explores sex from start to finish in a fresh but firm way.
Written for couples committed to marriage, this book is packed with wholesome information on the emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of healthy sexuality.
The goal of this book is to teach couples how to reach mutual sexual fulfillment. It encourages each spouse to constantly learn and work together to make intimacy a continuous, safe, and happy aspect of marriage.
One thing I LOVE about this book is that it promotes family! It includes tips for marriage, sex, and even teaching children about intimacy.
With the principles, tools, suggestions, and ideas in this book, families can build healthy intimate relationships and couples can experience sexual fulfillment.
If this sounds like the book you’ve been missing in your life, you can find a copy on Amazon linked here.
2. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
This book is by the relationship expert himself, John Gottman.
In this book you’ll find seven useful and practical tips for building, maintaining, and strengthening marriages.
Dr. Gottman has spent years working with couples on marriage habits and issues. His book is neat because he has filled it with these real-life examples and situations that normal couples face. It’s a very relatable and logistic read.
The book is written to address marriage problems as a whole, including tips on conflict resolution and building good habits. It’s a good read for all aspects of marriage, including the sexual relationship.
If you like logical tips and research based examples, this might be the read for you! Linked here.
3. Sexual Wholeness in Marriage by Dean M. Busby, Jason S. Carrol, and Chelom Leavitt
Similar to the first suggestion, this book explores the different sexual needs of both men AND women in an effort to help couples achieve mutual sexual fulfillment.
This one was written specifically for LDS couples, although the principles can bolster any pair seeking an eternal marriage. The book explores some common questions asked by Christians, including:
“What types of sexual behaviors are appropriate for married LDS couples?”, “How can couples keep their sexual relationship creative and enjoyable over decades of marriage?”, and “How can couples be better prepared to start off their marriage on the right foot when they are sexually inexperienced?”
Haha, @ me, right?
If THIS sounds like the book you need, you can find a link to it here.
Bonus!
4. Knowing HER Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage by Laura M. Brotherson
I can’t actually recommend this book because I haven’t read it yet! However, it is by the same author of “And They Were Not Ashamed”, so I have added it to my reading list. If you’ve read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts (and maybe borrow your copy)!
5. Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard
If you aren’t looking for a guide on sex specifically, this book is a quick read about some simple tips for starting a marriage. It’s all about changing your mindset from me to we. It’s got sweet stories and messages that can remind you how absolutely giddy you are to be with the love of your life!
I hope you enjoy these reads! These resources are so good, so wholesome, and intended to boost your confidence and enhance your marriage.
The nice thing about reading these books is that you can do it on your own time and at your own pace, no judgement or awkwardness from people trying to teach you about such a sacred topic! You can widen your eyes when you are surprised, re-read a sentence that has brand-new information, and take a break when you have a lot to think about. In short, I hope you can develop a healthy relationship with sexuality by using wholesome resources and learning at your own pace!
I think sex is an incredible topic that should be SACRED but is often SCARY, and one of my aims of this blog is to change that, one reader at a time.
Get excited and get reading!
For more on sex, try my article The #1 Metaphor to Use When Teaching Sex. Spoiler alert: the answer is none of them!
Let me know if you have read any of these books! What did you love in them? What did you disagree with? Which books do you recommend to your soon-to-be-married friends? Tell me in the comments below!